Sleeping Like a Baby?

by Mary B. O'Brien

People who use the saying "sleeping like a baby" obviously never had one.  Every parent knows that babies (and, later, toddlers, preschoolers and then older children) have plenty of sleep problems.  At first, it's nighttime feedings and diaper changes that awaken weary parents several times each night.  Then, just as babies begin to sleep longer hours, they enter the separation-anxiety phase, crying inconsolably when mom or dad puts them to bed and leaves the room.  Later still, nightmares, monsters in the closet, bedtime resistance or sleepwalking become issues.  Parents sometimes feel as though they -- and their children -- haven't had a full night's sleep for years.

Fortunately, sleep problems usually reflect normal stages in children's development.  And almost always, there are positive things parents can do to assure that kids and grown-ups alike get a good night's rest.

"We've been through every possible sleep disturbance with our kids, and countless interrupted nights," says the seasoned mother of three older children.  She has seen "a colicky baby, night terrors, fear of ghosts under the bed, bad dreams, even balkiness about going to bed at all.  The key, I think, is to figure out each child's sleep needs, maintain your sense of humor and keep in mind that this, too, shall pass.  Now that our kids are adolescents, we have a terrible time waking them up!"

Some children, of course, require long hours of sleep while others can easily get by on just a few.  But if you notice that your child routinely falls asleep on short car rides, frequently stares off into space (a sort of mini-nap, say researchers) or shows behavior changes such as balkiness or a wound-up activity level, you can suspect sleep deprivation.

Sleep deprivation in children is a bigger problem than most of us think: it can cause problems ranging from crankiness to hyperactivity to academic problems. Studies show that sleepiness can drag down school performance, since tired kids have difficulty concentrating and show less retention of information.  Often sleep-deprived children are mistakenly assumed to be hyperactive, due to wild behavior that is actually an effort to ward off daytime drowsiness.   Chronic forgetfulness can also be a result of not enough sleep.

Most pediatricians agree that the first step in developing good sleep habits in your children is to establish a consistent bedtime routine and a regular bedtime, beginning early in life. They advise parents to avoid pitfalls that might work well tonight but cause bigger problems later on, such as offering a bedtime bottle or allowing your child always to fall asleep in your bed. Such loving, well-meaning practices as rocking a toddler to sleep every night can create a child who can't drift off on his or her own.

Parents need to find the solutions that work best for them and for their children, and to trust their own instincts. After all, no one knows their kids as well as they do, and no one knows the family dynamics so thoroughly. The comforting thought is that if sleep problems plague you and your children, it's never too late to solve them -- and often something as simple as reiterating your love and protection is all that is needed. Perhaps, then, the whole household will "sleep like a baby."

A regular bedtime routine pepares your child for sleep and creates a pleasant, soothing end to the day. The key for parents is to be firm and consistent, but not inflexible.

Here's a typical bedtime routine:

• A quick clean-up of toys and belongings.
• A warm, soothing bath followed by clean pajamas.
• A healthy bedtime snack or small drink of water.
• Brushing teeth.
• One last trip to the restroom.
• A cheerful, calm bedtime story or game (avoid roughhousing or sad, scary stories).
• Bedtime prayers and an "I love you."
• Tucking in with a favorite teddy bear or safe, special item like a "blankey."

Helping your child develop these important sleep associations will help him or her nod off when it's time.

Avoid allowing him or her to stay up late as a reward -- or using the bedroom as a punishment area. Be careful about succumbing to requests for "just one more" story, kiss or drink. Parents who are loving but firm about bedtime have the greatest success in avoiding a nightly battle.

It's important to remember that each child's sleep needs are different. In general, the following guidelines can be used, although there are kids in every age group who need more sleep, or less:

• Infants from birth to 2 months -- 16-20 hours of sleep
• Babies from six months -- 14-15 hours
• Toddlers -- 10-13 hours
• Preschoolers -- 10-12 hours
• Elementary school children -- 10-11 hours
• Preteens -- about 10 hours
• Teenagers -- 9-10 hours

How can I get my daughter to bed on time? She's a world-class dawdler at bedtime!

First, decide on a firm bedtime, say the experts. Next, allow plenty of time for a consistent routine -- an hour or an hour and a half, perhaps -- to accommodate playing in the bath or an extra story. During the preparations for bed, offer updates on how much time remains before bedtime. At the prescribed hour, be firm in your insistence that she hit the sack. Children are happiest when they know their limits.

What is the best way to deal with nightmares?

Keep in mind that nightmares and night terrors are normal: they are the brain's way of working out conflicts or stressful situations. Occasionally, however, they can be brought on by high fever or other illness, so the first step is to check your child's health. When he comes running to your room in terror, tell him immediately that you will keep him safe, and offer physical comfort. Let him talk about the dream if he wants, but let him know that the scary images aren't real. In the morning, you can talk again and reassure him that everyone has bad dreams now and then.

Our small son insists on sleeping in our bed, not his. How can we change this habit?

Studies show that adults and children alike sleep better in separate beds, and the American Academy of Pediatrics cautions that babies risk suffocation when sleeping with a a larger person. Some families solve this problem by placing the child's crib in their bedroom, thereby sharing the room, not the bed -- or by letting a sick child sleep on a mattress on their floor. As the child matures, his or her own bedroom will become more appealing.